Oh, hi, Bella! Remember what you said last night? 

“Edward, what you fail to understand is that I wouldn’t talk about us to anyone anyway, even Rose, so it’s immaterial to me whether I sign an agreement or not. If it means so much to you, or your lawyer,whom

 you

obviously talk to, then fine. I’ll sign.”

He ‘acquiesces’? I don’t even know how to pronounce that. 

This is exactly what I’m talking about when I say that E. L. James’ casual usage of the thesaurus makes her prose seem awfully choppy. Either stick with the overtly simple style of writing that you use for 98% of the book, or use the thesaurus consistently. 

Why couldn’t you just have written ‘agrees’, ‘says’, or ‘relents’? Why do you have to make your writing even worse than it already is?

That’s odd, because you were able to tell just a moment ago, in the same darkness and from a distance, that: 

Edward is at the piano, completely lost in the music he’s playing. His expression sad and wanting, like the music.

You also noted that:

He sits naked, his body bathed in the warm light cast by a solitary free-standing lamp beside the piano.

As far as I can see, no one has turned off that lamp. Seeing as how you were also able to tell us about how his abdominal muscles rippled, I don’t buy your sorry excuse for not being able to tell us how his face looks. 

I would like to remind you that this happened less than a page ago:

He kneels up in front of me and pulls a condom on to his considerable length…

If anything, he ‘emptied himself’ into the condom. 

At the beginning of this quote you claim to know what Edward is thinking about, yet Edward is the one who is telepathic? 

Hang on a sec.

I thought you stated explicitly, less than a page ago, that the only chance you had to think was the two hours you spent restocking shelves:

The day drags at Newton’s even though we are busy. Because we’ve hit the summer season I have to spend two hours restocking the shelves once the shop is closed. It’s mindless work and it gives me too long to think. I’ve not really had a chance all day. 

Has ‘all day’ been redefined to mean two hours, or is two hours a day on planet Bella?

What plans?

I thought your plan was to return them to Edward. Seeing as he’s there now, this would be a good opportunity to do so. 

So, Emmett didn’t bring his own car, Rose had been drinking, and yet they still managed to get ‘all the way back’ from the bar?

Remember this moment for when Edward starts praising Bella for being the bravest of womenkind. 

Just as I wanted you to do with your supposedly ‘long list of flaws’, I would like you to elaborate on this supposedly ‘endless list’. 

The way I see it, Bella has absolutely nothing besides the two things she just mentioned to apologize to Edward for. 

If this is general knowledge to you, then why did you just drink four margaritas?

Chapter one: 

“Bella I’m sorry. It took me nine months to get this interview and it will take another six to reschedule, and you and I will both have graduated by then. As the editor I can’t blow this out… Please.” Rose begs me in her rasping, really sore throat voice…

Chapter two: 

“Err… no… Rose… Miss Hale, she’s compiled the questions.”

“Are you colleagues on the student paper?”

Oh crap… I have nothing to do with the student paper. It’s her extra-curricular activity, not mine. 

Chapter three: 

Rose is readying her last edition of Eyewitness before she has to relinquish it to the new editor and is also studying. 

Why couldn’t the new editor have interviewed Edward in Rose’s place? Or one of Rose’s actual colleagues? Or an eager journalism student? Why send Bella, who has nothing to do with the student paper?

This takes place when Bella comes home from her interview: 

[Rose] bounds up to me and hugs me hard. 

“I was beginning to worry. I expected you back sooner.” 

“Sorry – the interview went on longer than anticipated.”

This takes place when Bella arrives at work, approximately a quarter of a page later: 

Mrs Newton is pleased to see me. “Bella, I thought you weren’t going to make it today.”

“My appointment didn’t take as along as predicted. 

Did the interview take more or less time than expected?

“I’m a very wealthy man, Miss Swan and I have expensive and absorbing hobbies.”

A few paragraphs later…

“We can’t eat money, Miss Swan, and there are too many people on this planet who don’t have enough to eat.” 

If you really cared about starving children in third world countries, you would be able to enjoy some more mundane, less expensive hobbies. 

Unfortunately for his fifty thousand employees, Mr. Edward Cullen seems to lose his sense of responsibility once he introduces Bella to his red room of pain.