My Inner Critic

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My Inner Critic

My inner critic invites you to tag along on a journey through the deepest, darkest realms of bad fiction, as epitomized in the fanfictional beginnings of the now bestselling series 'Fifty Shades of Grey'. In other words, I am doing a through and critical reading of 'Master of the Universe' by Snowqueens Icedragon. Be warned: Kinky fuckery lies ahead (admittedly most of it is being censored, what with genitalia being vaguely alluded to as 'way down there', or simply just 'there'.) Nevertheless, twelve-year-olds, consider yourselves warned.

  • I’ll just make a call,” I murmur. I just want to hear Rose’s voice.
    He frowns. “The photographer?” His jaw clenches and his eyes burn. I blink at him. “I don’t like to share Miss Swan, remember that.” His quiet chilling tone is a warning, and with one long, cold look at me he heads back to the bedroom.

    So, now it appears that Edward wants Bella to cut all contact with her male friends, simply because he “doesn’t like to share”. 

    Excerpt from an article called ‘How can I teach my toddler to share?”:

    When your toddler refuses to share his favorite truck (or even his least favorite truck), he isn’t really being selfish — he’s just acting his age.

    And when your boyfriend refuses to let you hang out with your male friends, he isn’t really being selfish - he’s just acting like a toddler. 

    Tagged: Sharing is caring Ass Seriously? Who does this? Bella really ought to see the danger signs here Alarm bells are a'ringin' Male rivalry: the driving force behind Twilight Bad writing E. L. James Fifty Shades of Grey Master of the Universe

    Posted on June 30, 2012

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