June 2012
603 posts
9 tags
“I’m gripping his upper arms, feeling his biceps, he’s strong… muscular.”
– Of course he is.
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“I will do anything he wants.”
– That speaks volumes.
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“He stands back and stares down at me. I’m in the pale blue lacy perfect-fit bra…...”
– Hold your horses. He hasn’t started sexing you just yet. Complimenting a woman on her skin is not the same as making love to her.
Also, he never said he couldn’t make love. He simply stated that he didn’t do it.
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“The muscles inside the deepest darkest part of me clench in the most delicious...”
– What pain? I’m given to understand that he has not yet penetrated you, based on the fact that he will spend the next three pages slowly undressing you, one article of clothing at the time.
I sincerely doubt that a vaginal spasm would cause her hymen any pain.
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“The muscles inside the deepest darkest part of me clench in the most delicious...”
– Again, I believe the word you’re looking for is ‘vagina’.
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“He strolls slowly towards me. Confident, sexy, eyes blazing… my heart begins to...”
– Again, I’m assuming that this is how E. L. James assumes that the mind of a twenty-one year old works. As a twenty-one year old, I can disprove her hypothesis.
Also, is this really the time to harper on about his absurd hotness? E. L. James has spent the majority of this book doing just that....
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“Edward Cullen’s feet… wow… what is it about naked feet…?”
– You tell me.
I understand that some people have foot fetishes. I don’t, but based on the quote above I will wager a guess that Bella does.
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“He steps out of his converse shoes and reaches up and takes his socks off...”
– Is there another way to take socks off?
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“He’s wearing his white linen shirt and jeans. He is heart-stoppingly beautiful…...”
–
You’re finally about to have the sex we’ve been expecting since page one. Kindly stow the repetitive descriptions of his clothes and his unbearable hotness for now.
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“His bedroom is vast, and looks out on a lit up, high-rise Seattle.”
– Oh, so what you mean to say is that it’s like every other room in his apartment?
The living room:
It’s the main living area, double height. Huge is too small a word for it. The far wall is glass and leads on to a balcony that overlooks Seattle.
Bella’s new bedroom:
Beyond it is a...
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“Please Bella… let me make love to you.”
“Yes,” I whisper… because that’s why...”
– Good. You’re finally admitting it to yourself.
Doesn’t make you any less of a hoebag.
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“You are one brave young woman,” he whispers. “I am in awe of you.”
His words...”
– What? Why?!
You know that he’s either lying to you, or else he doesn’t know you well enough to realize how much of a coward you truly are. Either way, his words should not be having this effect on you. An appropriate response on your part would be to feel ill at ease.
11 tags
“You are one brave young woman,” he whispers. “I am in awe of you…”
– What the actual fuck?
First off, agreeing to have one’s virginity ripped to shreds by a man one is obscenely attracted to is not a courageous act. Secondly, Bella is a coward.
Excerpts from the brave young woman’s thoughts throughout the past 60 pages:
When I finally pluck up the...
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“Forget about the rules. Forget about all that stuff for tonight. I want you....”
– The fact that Edward has wanted into her pants ever since she fell into his office, i. e. ever since before they exchanged a single word, just goes to prove how shallow and misguided everything about this book is.
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“We can start your training tonight – with the basics. This doesn’t mean...”
– Your sincerest wish was for a guy to find the means to an end by starting your basic BDSM training?
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“He gives me a wicked grin, the effects of which travel all the way… down… there…”
– It’s called a vagina.
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“We’re going to rectify the situation right now.”
“What do you mean? What...”
– Smooth, as per ush.
‘Popping the cherry’ has hereby been replaced by the new and improved euphemism ‘rectifying the situation’.
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“Don’t apologize… it’s just that I want to bite it too… hard.”
I gasp… how can...”
– I doubt he’s expecting you not to be affected.
In fact, I think he’s saying it to affect you.
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“His brows knit together. “How have you avoided sex? Tell me, please.”
I shrug....”
– Paraphrasing: “I’ve never met anyone attractive enough to even consider having intercourse with them… only you.”
Also, can we please address Edward’s question? It’s really not that hard to avoid sex, and I should think it is especially easy if you’re a...
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“Perhaps he’s near- sighted… my sub-conscious has reared her somnambulant head…...”
– Oh, I see that E. L. James has dusted off the thesaurus.
somnambulant
Walking or tending to walk while asleep.
So the subconscious has just reared her sleepwalking head? I don’t think E. L. James knows how to use a thesaurus.
Also, good point, Bella. Where was the subconscious when you... 