June 2012
603 posts
9 tags
“He wraps me in the towel and he pulls me into his arms and kisses me hard,...”
– Okay, so I know that tongue action is an inevitable part of kissing, but it does nothing for me on paper.
This is supposed to be erotica, and yet phrases such as ‘his tongue exploring my mouth’ does the opposite of turning me on.
9 tags
“His erection is tamed, but still… substantial. Wow.”
– His erection is tamed? Seriously? Okay, moving on.
If his penis is currently flaccid, you can no longer avoid using the word ‘penis’ by referring to it as an ‘erection’. If his penis is currently flaccid, it’s no longer an erection.
Either way, I’m glad to see...
9 tags
“And very quickly, he clambers out of the bath, giving me my first full glimpse...”
– Ah, the Greek god metaphor returns. I’ve been expecting you.
Also, may I point out how useless and awkward the ‘divinely formed’ clause is?
One would expect a ‘Greek god’ to be divinely formed, thus rendering it redundant.
The clause’s placement within the...
9 tags
“Don’t you have a gag reflex?” he asks, astonished. “Christ, Bella. That was…...”
– Jesus, woman, you’ve made your case! We get it! Trees are dying while you frantically try to rub it in.
Bella is a natural at sex.
Can we move on?
9 tags
“I sit back and watch him, a triumphant smile tugging at my the corners of my...”
– Bella doesn’t want to gloat about being a natural at all things sexual, including, but probably not limited to, handjobs, blowjobs, and swallowing sperm.
You have all the makings of a great slut, Miss Swan. If I hadn’t read the book from the beginning, I would’ve never guessed...
12 tags
“I can do this. I push even harder and in a moment of extraordinary confidence I...”
– This is literally the most confusing passage I’ve come across in all my years of reading.
“I push even harder” His penis is in your mouth. What are you pushing ‘even harder’ at?
“in a moment of extraordinary confidence I bare my teeth. It tips him over the...
9 tags
“My inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves.”
– Merengue and salsa are two entirely different dances. One thing that they do have in common, however, is that both of them require a partner.
I have a difficult time seeing how Bella’s inner goddess manages to pull this off, and how Bella would be able to distinguish the resultant mix as a...
8 tags
“Hmmm, I had no idea giving pleasure could be such a turn-on, watching him writhe...”
– If he really was ‘writhing with carnal longing’, I don’t think he would do so carefully.
10 tags
“I pull him deeper into my mouth so I can feel him at the back of my throat, and...”
– So, what you’re saying is that his penis is like one of those phallic lollies girls buy when they’re throwing extremely tacky bachelorette parties?
How very original.
9 tags
“Whoa… Bella.” His eyes fly open and I suck harder. “Jesus,” he groans and he...”
– Of course you can, and naturally you’re amazing at it.
Sigh.
7 tags
“I lean forward, whilst he has his eyes closed, and place my lips around him and...”
– A gazillion bucks says she’ll be a natural at blowjobs, too.
11 tags
“Fuck my mouth… Hmmm. I remember him pushing his thumb in my mouth and asking me...”
– Ugh, don’t remind me.
12 tags
“That’s right, baby.” He moves his hand away leaving me to continue alone. He...”
– So guess who’s a natural at giving handjobs?
8 tags
“Like this,” he whispers and moves his hand up and down with a firm grip around...”
– And so it begins.
I’m talking, of course, about the transferal of the meaning of the pronoun ‘him’. Up until this point, ‘him’ has solely referred to Edward, but from this point onwards, ‘him’ can refer to both Edward and Edward’s penis, depending on...
9 tags
“Very deliberately, I gently bite my bottom lip and then run my tongue across it,...”
– Oh, so now she’s finally cottoned on to the fact that Edward has a bottom lip fetish. Certainly took her long enough.
Notice how she bites her lower lip ‘very deliberately’, as opposed to just ‘deliberately’? This chick means business!
6 tags
“My lips are parted to accommodate my breathing.”
– You have allergies?
10 tags
“It’s so big and growing.”
– Guess what she’s talking about.
14 tags
“I turn and he has his erection firmly in his grasp. My mouth drops open.
“I...”
–
Oh, wait. That’s never gonna happen!
8 tags
“I try to stiffen my legs as my body goes rigid.”
– Surely you don’t have to try to stiffen your legs while your body goes rigid?
‘Stiff’ and ‘rigid’ are synonyms, after all.
7 tags
“He has my legs, pinioned by his, to the side of the bath, holding me prisoner....”
– It doesn’t seem like a very private part of you, given that a complete stranger just gained access. 